Why do we feel the need to share about our miscarriage?
There are multiple reasons.
1-I find some kind of relief in writing about my feelings in regards to this.
I have learned some things about myself in this process. I should say learning, because I am still learning from this. One thing I have learned is that I am a private person. I knew this before, but I did not realize just how private I am. This has made me keep pretty extra closed off. Along with that I’ve learned how nice it has been to get my thoughts out of my head and “on paper.” It has helped me to think things through. It has helped me to not only have it in my head, thus making it easier to not only dwell on my thoughts and emotions. I have also learned that I can do/endure hard things, and having the experience written down allows me to go back and read it to find that strength again when I may be feeling less than strong.
2-I hope to be a support or help or whatever the word is for someone else.
I have discovered that reading about other people going through a miscarriage has helped me feel a sense of unity. I may not know exactly what they feel in any given moment, but I can empathize. And there is a comfort in knowing that we are not alone. And if by telling our story, maybe we can help anyone else, that (would not “make it worth the experience”) would mean I have found something positive to come out of the experience.
3-I want there to be a documentation of my experience with this. For my own record keeping. For anyone out there who will search for what to expect. For my daughter to someday read.
Like I said in the first reason, I will be able to read my own words and gain strength when I might need it. And if for some reason I have to go through this again, I may be a support to myself. I want this to be out there for others that will go through it in the future. When we discovered that the pregnancy was in danger, we both searched the internet looking for stories of what to expect. I only found one person’s account of her miscarriage that had any detail. And even that was pretty vague. I wanted to know how painful and what kinds of grossness was I likely to see. I could not find it. I will share it. Don’t worry I will put a warning at the beginning of the section when I get to that point. I guess my son can read it someday too, and he probably will, but not likely until he has a baby on the way and gets curious. Mostly though, I want my daughter to know that miscarriages are real, and they happen, and they are sad and hard, and if she ever has one she will have support and if/when any of her friends have one she will know to be kind and love them along the way.
4-I want to tell our story because I hope that someday someone might read this and feel some compassion. Maybe for me. Maybe for their sister. Maybe for a person they barely know.
I want the world to be a better, kinder, softer, more loving place. And if we can find compassion in our hearts for the suffering of those around us, we can improve the world one person at a time.
5-I hope that in telling our story we might be able to encourage others to share their stories.
I searched and searched for days trying to find any stories that might help me get mentally prepared for what was about to happen physically. I know it is private. I know it makes us feel vulnerable and exposed. I get it. But I still wish I had been able to find more information. Miscarriages are way more common than we think. When I made the last post, I also put it on Facebook. I won’t post the exact number, because some were private messages to me, but there were many replies of women who have been there. I have been pleasantly surprised at the supportive responses. And I just have to ask myself how much more support and love would I have been able to feel if I had let people in throughout the process. Please, if you have been there, share your story too.
6-I want to share right now because we hope to try again.
Obviously we do not know when we might be able to achieve pregnancy again, please don’t ask us. If/when the time is right we will share. With that said, we both felt pretty early on in the miscarriage process that we should write about it. We kept it very private for a couple months. And because we wanted to share it I want to have it out there before I attempt to be pregnant. I don’t want to be ruminating over what was lost while hoping for what might be.
7-The last reason why that I will mention is that I feel so bad for the person who had the misfortune of being the first person to ask me if I was pregnant since we lost the baby. (Personal editorial, over a year later (it only took a few months), and I actually no longer feel bad for her, in fact I kind of hope she still feels like she should not have said what was said and that perhaps it will prevent her from saying anything like that again…ever…to anyone.)
And maybe, just maybe this will help another person not ask. A good rule of thumb is to wait and let a pregnant lady tell you herself.