Category: Funny

Humming is Happiness

Corban hums while he eats something he likes.* 
Corban got a full dose of stubbornness from his mom and from his dad. 
Corban has three favorite foods, chicken fingers, Gardetto’s, and popcorn.** 
Some days he decides that if what I make for supper is not one of those foods, he isn’t interested and will try to refuse to eat.  This forces us to get creative just to get him to take the first bite, upon which he realizes he likes the food and will eat, often requesting seconds. 
Last night was a night he said he “WILL NOT EAT THE NOODLES!” 
After further behaving in a rude manor and a timeout to calm down, he was invited to re-join us at the table. 
Everyone told him how they liked the food, and he insisted he would just sit and watch. 
Corban begged for buttered toast*** instead of the cheese burger macaroni shells. 
Corban loves cheese burgers****, and he loves sauces*****. 
We offered to let him eat his cheese burger mac with sauces, and he was sold! He was willing to try it, if he could have sauces. 
Then Corban hummed the rest of the meal!

*This reminds me of a particular little person that was at the preschool while I worked there.  Corban does not appreciate being referred to by that person’s name. 
**If we would let him, he would eat those exclusively everyday. 
***Another thing he really likes, because he knows how to put bread in the toaster and push the buttons.
****Sunday for supper we had burgers.  There were only a few frozen patties in the freezer, so I had purchased more on Saturday, in order to have enough.  I found some good dairy free cheese slices.  The meal was a success…mostly.  The newer patties were of a lesser quality.  It had not occurred to me that hamburgers might have filler-ingredients.  They didn’t hold their shape after being cooked, so, instead of putting the rest in the freezer or cooking them up to have as leftovers, I cooked it up like ground beef and used it for cheese burger mac.  That was the best use of that meat product, and I will not be purchasing that brand of beef patties again.
*****I have been having fun researching lots of recipes for sauces like honey mustard for example or dairy free ranch, and so far, those have been successful.

A Bit of Levity

For Christmas we enjoy when we get MAD LIBS books. I got one with presidential stories, and I asked the children to fill in the blanks.

Title:  So, you want to be president?

Mar©ia:
Do you dream of becoming the next house of the United States?  You’ll probably want to start with a cute position, like a councilperson or mayor of Grandma’s house.  Then you could become a state representative or an orthodontist in order to cut your legislative brain cells!  Just make sure you don’t support any scrumdiddlyumptious bills or controversial chandeliers.  When in doubt, always side with the everyday sun in the sky.  Be sure to keep your earlobe clean and stay free of bright scandals, which will be sure to surface during your campaign.  Everything you’ve ever said or shreiked will come to light.  Finally, learn to smile and wave adorably.  You’ll be shaking a lot of pupils and decorating a lot of babies on the campaign trail!  Or you could always start as a Neon Tetra on TV!

Hinckley:
Do you dream of becoming the next booger of the United States?  You’ll probably want to start with a lumpy position, like a councilperson or mayor of the water park.  Then you could become a state representative or a plumber in order to cut your legislative hairs!  Just make sure you don’t support any cool bills or controversial clocks.  When in doubt, always side with the everyday mom.  Be sure to keep your nose clean and stay free of cold scandals, which will be sure to surface during your campaign.  Everything you’ve ever said or ran will come to light.  Finally, learn to smile and wave funnily.  You’ll be shaking a lot of eyes and walking a lot of babies on the campaign trail!  Or you could always start as a sneeze on TV!

Corban:
Do you dream of becoming the next caterpillar of the United States?  You’ll probably want to start with a triangular position, like a councilperson or mayor of the restaurant.  Then you could become a state representative or be a doctor in order to cut your legislative ears!  Just make sure you don’t support any slimey bills or controversial LEGOs.  When in doubt, always side with the everyday doctor.  Be sure to keep your leg clean and stay free of scandals made of bugs, which will be sure to surface during your campaign.  Everything you’ve ever said or rubbed will come to light.  Finally, learn to smile and wave apologetically.  You’ll be shaking a lot of eyes and looking at a lot of babies on the campaign trail!  Or you could always start as a letter “O” on TV!

The Smallest Thing

Jacob:  The smallest thing I am grateful for is the electron because electrons make my job and most of modern technology possible.

Marcia the Elder:  The smallest thing I am thankful for is DNA because I am amazed at how living things/beings grow and form and develop and change over time and how we get all of our unique traits.*

Marcia the Younger:  The smallest thing I am thankful for is this bowl** so that Corban doesn’t burn the house down.
Also, I am thankful for atoms because they make up everything.***

Hinckley:  The smallest thing I am thankful for is family, no, it is food.

Corban:   I think the smallest thing I am thankful for is the entire house.  Wait, it is bigger than us.  Uh, uh, I know, a mini-robot that is this small.****


*What a run-on thought!
**A wooden bowl where we put the knobs for the stove top ever since he lit a pan of brownies on fire causing a bit of an issue.

***This is where Jacob said, “That’s why you shouldn’t believe atoms, because they make up everything.”  To which, she did giggle.
****Pinching his fingers together with about a centimeter space.

Best Kind

Our responses to, “Would you rather live in a gingerbread house with the candy decorations or a house made of LEGO?”

Jacob:  LEGO because I like changing things and reconfiguring the house would be that much more fun.*

Marcia the Elder:  I guess we should get  a LEGO house.  It would be more structurally sound than a gingerbread house.  Can you imagine that first wind and rainstorm.  It would be one big soggy, sticky mess.  My family seems to want to change the house a lot…. Wait until they see that I may or may not have used Kragle on the LEGO house.

Marcia the Younger:  Probably LEGO because then I wouldn’t be tempted to eat my house.  Also, there are smooth pieces of LEGO to smooth over the floor.**

Hinckley:  LEGO because if we lived in a gingerbread house we’d be really tempted to eat our house, and them we would have no home to live in.  Also, because we could take our house apart if it was a LEGO house and put it back together and transform our whole house.

Corban:  The reason I want a LEGO house is because I want the floor to be flat with no studs.  That’s why I want to live in a house made of LEGO with you.


*Mar©ia pointed out that it would be easier to fix the gutters because you can just make stairs to reach the gutters.
**As often as she asks to rearrange her room, I am surprised that she didn’t mention this in her reply.

Tonight at Supper

I said I had a question and that I wanted everyone to answer.
Hinckley said he knew what I was going to ask, “Are all the chores done?”
I told him that while that is a good question, what I wanted to know was:

Would you rather be a centaur or a mermaid/merman?

Jacob:  Somebody told me that centaurs are all boys, so, I want to be a merman because I want to be where there are girls too, and not only smelly horse boys, and I don’t want to have to carry a baby (and give birth).

Marcia the Elder:  I would rather be a centaur because I know there’d have to be girls too, and I am not a swimmer, and there are holes in my eardrum, so, I think merlife would not be right for me.

Marcia the Younger:  I would rather be a mermaid because centaurs are always boys.

Hinckley:  I would rather be a centaur because it would be cool to gallop as fast as a horse.

Corban:  After much refusal to cooperate and asking him the question each time he said something that was not the answer, here is how he eventually responded:
          Seahorses can’t swim.*
          I don’t want to be a mermaid because I don’t want to be in water.
          I don’t want to be a centaur because I don’t want to go as fast as a horse.**
          I would rather PLAY WITH a centaur that’s alive because I would play Hide and Seek, and I would always want to be first to seek.


* This was after talk about part fish and part horse.
**Hinckley tried to tell him he could choose to not go as fast.

Who Knew the 4 Year Old Would Win

Jacob has a chess app on his phone, and the copyrights enjoy watching him play and are thrilled if they get a chance to try it.  The app simulates playing against Magnus Carlsen at his abilities at various ages.
Tonight Jacob let them each take a turn.

Corban seemed to not really have a method.
Hinckley thought he had a method.
Marcia seems to have a better understanding of the game.


They each played against “Magnus Carlsen (Age 5).”  As indicated by the arrow.


Arrow indicates:  “You defeated Magnus!”
He was pretty thrilled to have won.
The older two did not win or lose, they each had a draw, or a tie.

I think the best quote while he played was when he exclaimed, “I captured another pond!”

Kids Say

Some of my favorite recent kids’ quotes:
Marcia:  Everything pizza?  Even the dishwasher?*
Hinckley:  Remember when I was really good at swallowing my throw up?**
Corban:  I feel nice, but there are bones inside of me.

* Remember when it was “everything, including the kitchen sink”?
** This refers to when he was little and spit up so much, that he got really good at “choking it down.”

No Accounting For Taste

Corban is in an interesting phase.  He is trying out new combinations of food.  Tonight we had pancakes for supper.  He had his with margarine, bacon bits, and fruit spread.  All at the same time.  The other day he asked for a sandwich for lunch on toast, with margarine, mustard, and pepperoni.  And he ate all of those.  There are other combinations that I simply refuse to give him, like when he asks for sun butter and jelly with pepperoni, margarine, and mayonnaise.